How to Find a Real Coach in a Sea of Weekend Certifications and Brené Brown Quotes

Look, I need to be real with you about something --

The coaching industry is an absolute mess. And I'm saying this as someone with a PCC certification from the Intl. Coaching Federation who actually believes in this work!!

But we must to talk about what's happening out there because if you're looking for support, you deserve to know what you're walking into.

Unlike therapists, nutritionists, or doctors, anyone can call themselves a coach today and act like one tomorrow. There's no mandated licensing body. No standardized training requirements. No governing ethics board that actually has teeth.

Which means the field is flooded with people who took a weekend course, read a few self help books, and decided vulnerability was a personal brand opportunity.

I'm not saying everyone needs a fancy credential. Some of the most transformative guides I know never went near an ICF accreditation. But there's a difference between lived experience paired with genuine training and someone who went to therapy for six months and decided that that qualified them to hold space for other people's trauma, experiences, shadow selves and more.

The most insidious part? The language got co-opted.

Suddenly everyone's trauma informed. Everyone's working with the nervous system. Everyone's helping you get embodied. Except when you look closer, it's the same old toxic positivity and hustle culture dressed up in somatic buzzwords. People are reading the same few starter books cough cough BvdK and believing that what they're reading is sacrosanct, as opposed to reading a plethora of perspectives and honing in on what you believe through discernment.

Just regulate your nervous system is the new just think positive.

Your body is holding the answers becomes another way to blame you when things don't shift fast enough. Embodiment becomes code for if you're still struggling, you're not doing the work right.

There is a time, space and way in which all these terms and their discerned meanings can come into play; those necessitate additional supervised training however. Preferably, not solely online.

It's exhausting. And I believe it's doing real harm. I've seen the harm in action.

If interested, here are a few values that lead my work.

Here's what I look for, both as a coach and as someone who's hired coaches:

Training matters, but not how you think

Ask about their training! Not just what certification they have, but what their ongoing education looks like. Real coaches keep learning. They're in supervision. They're studying new modalities. They're doing their own work with their own guides. It's not all in classrooms, holistic education counts especially if they're a holistic coach.

If someone tells you they're naturally gifted at this and doesn't mention any formal training or or hums n' haws around this question well, that's a red flag the size of Texas.

They should have a clear scope of practice

A good coach knows what they can and cannot do. They'll tell you when something is outside their wheelhouse. They'll refer you to therapy when that's what you actually need. They won't promise to heal your trauma or fix your anxiety or cure your ADHD. Coaching is a forward moving relationship based on laser questioning to excavate what's really below those fears, desires, resentments and so on. Clinicians, like therapists, are for helping one to press rewind and process what happened, how it happened, why maybe, with whom and how that built you into who you are now. Clinicians may also be coaches and vice versa, but there is a clean and clear delineation.

If someone's promising to solve everything, they're either lying or dangerously unaware of their own limitations.

Their marketing has you feeling something other than inadequate

Pay attention to how you feel when you read their content. Does it make you feel broken and like they have the secret fix? Does it suggest that if you're still struggling, you must not be trying hard enough? Does it make transformation sound easy if you just follow their exact blueprint? Is it giving urgent fear that if you don't act now you'll forever be cursed or left out?

Or

Does it make you feel seen? Does it acknowledge that this work is hard and nonlinear? Does it respect your pace and your unique nervous system?

The right coach doesn't have you feeling like you need saving. You begin to feel like you have what it takes, and they're just there to support you as you access it.

Questions to ask before you commit

These are the questions that can tell you what you actually need to know:

• What happens when I'm not making progress the way we expected?

• How do you handle it when I disagree with you or push back on something?

• What's your approach when someone's struggling with suicidal ideation or severe mental health symptoms? (If they don't immediately mention referral to appropriate care, run.)

• How does your work shift when you're with someone who's neurodivergent? (And if they're not asking YOU about your specific needs here, that's telling.)

• What does accountability look like in your work?

• What modalities do you have training in? (They should know these by name off the top of their head and even offer to share their credentials with you.

• Do you currently have a coach? (Preferably, but leniency for if they're taking a break after a recent program that they were in.)

These are certainly a few good ones to start with. Like any relationship, the first connection point is best treated as a date. You do not have to say yes and move forward if you feel it in your gut, that's it.

The answers matter less than how they respond to being asked. A great coach welcomes these questions, because honestly we rarely get them and we're usually proud of our training.

A defensive or cagey response tells you everything you need to know.

On being sold to

Here's the thing about sales that nobody wants to say out loud in this relentless era of bro marketing: being sold to isn't inherently bad.

If someone believes they can help you and they're inviting you into that, that's not manipulation. That's communication. It can even be invitation.

The truth is, we're selling ourselves everyday. At work, in relationship, within budding friendships, when pitching a RFP or anything else!

The question is: are they selling you on THEM, or are they showing you a possible way to get clear on what YOU need?

A good coach will tell you if they're not the right fit!! They'll acknowledge when someone else might serve you better. Bonus points if they actually connect you with that better peer. They'll be honest about what their work actually involves and what kind of commitment it requires. Basically, you're not feeling a desperation energy.

They won't use scarcity tactics or pressure you to decide right now. They won't make you feel like this is your last chance at transformation. Otherwise, why would they have gotten into a service industry to begin with??

And crucially, they won't promise you a before and after.

Because real transformation isn't a straight line from broken to fixed. It's a spiral. It's messy. It takes however long it takes. And it definitely has no guarantees.

If something feels off, it probably is.

If someone's energy feels performative or polished in a way that makes you feel inadequate, trust that.

If their success stories all sound the same and suspiciously perfect, trust that.

If they're more interested in talking about their framework than understanding your actual life, trust that.

Your nervous system knows things before your brain catches up (hate to be the butt of my own joke here by bringing in the nervous system, but there it is!)

That gut feeling that something's not quite right? That's information. Use it.

What I actually believe about this work

Real coaching isn't just about giving you a system to follow. It's about building your capacity to stay present with yourself when things get uncomfortable.

It's about learning to trust your body's signals instead of overriding them constantly. A system may be woven around these principles, but every individual deserves individualized care and support.

Yes, that means more work for us service providers. It means we need to spend more time on our own energy maintenance, on our own coaching or therapy, on our own WORK. It's worth it to us.

It's about practicing being with the hard stuff instead of constantly trying to optimize it away. BEing the model of transformation that we purport is possible.

It's slow. It's windy. It requires you to show up even when it feels like nothing's happening. Especially then!!

And honestly? It's not for everyone all the time. Some people need therapy. Some people need medical intervention. Some people need a different kind of support entirely.

A good coach knows that. And they'll tell you.

So yes, the industry is a dumpster fire. But there are still people doing this work with integrity, skill, and genuine care.

You just have to know what to look for.

And I hope, now you do.